Oh, my god.
What'd you freak out for?
Holy shit.
Hey fac', how you doing?
How's it goin'?
How you doin'?
Adriana, this is my cousin gregory, the ambulance chaser.
Nice to meet you.
This is my fiancee, amy safir.
Pleasure, christopher, to finally meet you in person.
Greg's always giving me updates on his new york cousin.
We're from jersey.
My apologies, that's the red- eye talking.
Your earrings are so excellent.
Thank you.
How was your flight?
Fine, good.
Drink, drink, drink!
Morgan stanley's night out.
Christopher said you're here shooting a movie.
That must be so interesting.
This is the first project i brought in to jon.
Who's jon?
Jon favreau, she's head of his development.
I told you that.
You told me tarrantino.
I worked for quentin, he's still a friend.
Anyway, favreau snapped her right up.
That movie he did, "swingers".
Vince vaughn is so cute.
So christopher, how goes the screenplay?
It's one of the best i've ever read.
Hey, easy, okay?
What's he like in person?
Incredibly funny, smart,
jon's totally accessible.
You guys should come visit the set.
No, i meant vince vaughn.
Great, great, a friend.
So, when do we get to read this opus?
I flushed it a long time ago.
Remember what i told you on the phone?
Mob theme stories are always hot.
You should've learned to keep your mouth shut.
What do you do, adriana?
Right now i'm in the food service industry.
Christopher!
You, get up.
Who, me?
Hey, bridge and tunnel boy, chill out.
Hey, guys, let's go to tribeca grill.
It's cooler, it's better.
Why are we leaving?
Just do it.
She seemed so down to earth for a hollywood person.
What's with those clothes?
She in the fucking "addams family"?
That's prada!
If i was greg, i wouldn't allow it.
Look at you, you look like a fucking woman,
not a bellhop.
Jon favreau, he's great!
He's also a writer, you should show him your script.
"Swingers"?
He can suck my dick, that swings, too.
That acting class really rubbed you the wrong way.
I love movies, but i just want to be a player.
I don't want to fuck around with all this other shit.
So?
Be a player.
We'll go to the set, she invited us!
Slip him your script.
That's what they call it, slipping the script.
Who knows... you know?
Would it be so friggin' horrible to attend a premier?
I don't even have the thing.
I threw it away.
What?
You have a copy?
Adriana, i told you, i'm not interested.
I believe in you.
It wasn't my fault!
You stole my car.
Where's the trust in this house?
When i get confirmed i'm gonna be a man.
So how come i can't drive?
You really want to get into this?
Who was that man that we had to pick up at camp last year
for bed wetting?
That was the year before last.
You could have killed those girls.
That would've been interesting.
What?
What did you just say?
Death just shows the ultimate absurdity of life.
What is this?
Are you trying to get me to lose my temper?
'Cause i'm about to put yo u through that goddamn window.
See? That's what i mean.
Life is absurd.
Don't say that!
God forgive you!
There is no god.
Hey! Hey!
Where is this coming from?
They teach you this crap at school?
Is this this new english teacher, mr. Clark?
Where is he from?
Answer me!
Oberlin.
Want him to read something other than "hustler"?
Hello, he got assigned "the stranger".
You want him to be an educated person?
What do you think education is? You just make more money?
This is education.
Do you ever think, like, why were we born?
Madame de stael said,
"in life one must choose before boredom and suffering."
Go to your room.
No, i'm serious.
Why were we born?
We were born because of adam and eve, that's why.
Now go upstairs and do your math.
Algebra? That's the most boring.
Your other choice is suffering.
You want t o start now?
Move your ass!
Jesus christ, let me think.
You wake me up, my head's all cobwebs.
Wyczchuk, wyczchuk...
waldemar wyczchuk.
You had lobster fra diavolo with him in atlantic city
on the 14th of this month.
He got blown up?
Fuck.
We're not necessarily trying to pin this on soprano
or anybody in your crew, sal.
We're drawing no conclusions.
But what do you got for me?
If i had some coffee--
cut the the quips!
Tell me about the merger talks.
What do you want me to say?
Philadelphia's been putting pressure on the shy business?
That's been going on since moses wore short pants.
Tony's still resisting the philly overtures?
Sometimes, puss', you don't act like a guy
that's facing 30 to life for selling h.
Don't get heavy with me.
You come to my house because somebody's leaning on your ass?
8:00 in the morning you come to my house?
You know what this looks like?
I'm doing all i can to help you guys.
One time tony bought a pool table from wyczchuk.
So he's sitting there and he asks me,
"if there's no god, why was i born?"
He tells me he's got no purpose.
How'd you answer him?
I told him it cost about 150 grand to bring him up so far,
so if he's got no purpose i want a fucking refund.
Are you angry with anthony jr. About the car?
You can't put shit back on the donkey.
Boys will be boys.
It's this other crap, that's not normal.
Adolescent angst is very normal.
You never went through it?
You think my mother and father are gonna stand for that shit?
How is your mother?
She's dead to me.
And how's anthony jr. Been taking it?
What? About the family?
About your nonrelationship with his grandmother.
How's he supposed to understand that?
And in general,
the whole strain of the current atmosphere in your household?
But that don't give him the right to mouth off.
Sounds to me like anthony jr.
May have stumbled onto existentialism.
Fucking internet.
No, it's a european philosophy.
After world war ii,
people were disillusioned
by the sheer weight of the horrors.
That's when the whole idea took root
that there were no absolute truths.
You believe that?
In your family,
even motherhood is up for debate.
No, it's not,
i teach him to love and respect and appreciate his mother.
What about your mother?
Anthony, i think it's important we talk about your mother
and what she tried to do to you.
Don't need to.
She showed her true colors, that's all.
Has anthony jr. Heard you say "she's dead to me"?
I don't know.
Don't you think that kind of talk
could lead a kid to embrace these ideas?
Oh, so, now this is my fault.
When some people first realize that they're solely responsible
for their decisions, actions, and beliefs,
and that death lies at the end of every road,
they can be overcome with intense dread.
"Intense dread."
A dull, aching anger
that leads them to conclude
that the only absolute truth is death.
I think the kid's onto something.
It's puttin' me off, way off.
Okay, ready? Ready to go?
Okay, picture's up, lock it up!
Ready to roll, wait.
Standby to roll, quiet please!
Roll sound!
Camera!
Smoke out, camera's rolling!
And, action!
My leg, i think it's broken.
Okay, cut!
Alright, check the gate.
Michele, can i talk to you?
C'mon.
Holy shit, that's...
she was in "kings of comedy".
And the other one, too, i seen her.
That movie my girlfriend likes with uma, what's her name?
Jon, this is christopher.
Hey, how's it going?
It's a real treat to meet you.
"Swingers" kicked ass.
Thanks, thank you.
Thanks for coming out here, i appreciate it, seriously.
What were you doing before you started writing for "los angeles"?
Jon, this is christopher.
Oh, oh, i'm sorry, i thought you--
there's a guy from "los angeles" magazine coming down here
to do a story on my favorite place for breakfast.
But you're the guy from jersey, right?
Yeah.
Cool.
Very, very cool.
Michele foreman, our director,
she's from jersey, you see her first picture?
She's a director?
Beautiful film,
it won the audience award at sundance.
Madonn'.
It was also hilariously funny,
this lesbian- romantic screwball comedy she did.
This one's much more mainstream, it's about spies.
So, anyway, we're getting ready to shoot the last scene.
This is the one where
the two lesbians, the lovers, they die.
Janeane, her character's zephyr--
that's her fucking name.
Garofalo! Janeane garofalo.
Yeah, so she's been chasing gina, sandra,
all around the country.
Gina?
Gina shecter from brooklyn, that's the character.
So they end up here in soho
where they just had a standoff, they shot each other.
Picture's up, let's lock it up!
Quiet please!
Excuse me.
And smoke!
Standby, to roll, quiet please!
And roll sound!
The silencers underscore their voiceless place in society.
We're rolling!
Camera's rolling!
Spin the wheel!
And action!
I never had an eggcream.
They're not coming for either one of us.
You live your whole life in a place
and never taste the thing it's famous for.
Couldn't hear the fucking shots with this thing.
There's a plac e on st. Mark's--
it's over, you bitch.
Don't do it.
Michele!
Cut, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
Can we cut for a second?
Are we really gonna say "bitch"?
You don't like "bitch"?
We discussed this, we're losing light.
It's not that i don't like it.
It's just, it's the last thing my lover says to me?
I don't find it particularly interesting.
You're thinking you should shoot her again?
No, wait a minute--
i don't think shooting's right in this case.
Your character's strength is her passivity.
Whose passivity?
Zephyr.
In this case.
I think he's right, janeane.
Obviously, throughout the rest of the piece,
you got testes to burn.
Is there anything other than "bitch"?
Buchiach.
What?
Let that one call that one "buchiach".
That sounds more interesting.
Bu-- what?
Buchiach.
If she's from brooklyn...
that sounds okay.
Okay, let's roll.
What does it mean?
Cunt.
Cunt, i like that.
Okay, picture's up , let's lock it up!
Standby to roll!
Roll sound!
Camera's rolling!
We are rolling!
Smoke!
We're rolling!
Smoke out!
And action!
What's going on with you?
Nothing.
"Nothing."
You know, that "no god" shit,
that upset your mother very much.
It's not "no god", it's just god is dead.
Who said that?
Nitch, he's a 19th century philosopher from germany.
Anyway, that's why i'm not getting confirmed.
Enough with that shit.
Your confirmation's this weekend
and you are getting confirmed.
That sucks my nut.
Hey!
You got a lot of balls, you know that?
You go to catholic school and your mother wants it.
What does she know?
She knows that even if god is dead,
you're still gonna kiss his ass.
Hey!
Hey, joe.
Hey, chris, how's it going?
Coke and a slice.
It's the best pie in north jersey.
What do you guys want? Anything, it's taken care of.
Same thing, coke and a slice.
Coke and a slice.
You got it.
That laundromat across the street,
that's where joe's restaurant used to be.
Willie moretti, that's where he bought it.
Moretti was sinatra's guardian angel, right?
Stuck his gun in tommy dorsey's mouth
and bought sinatra's contract from him for a dollar.
Fuck, that's so cool.
That's like the inspiration for johnny fontaine
and the studio bos s in gf one, right?
Right.
That's the one beef i had with "swingers".
You guys patterned yourselves after frank and dean,
but there was like a pussy- assness to it.
I mean, it was kind of the point of the piece--
so, you brought us your script.
Yeah, but--
c'mon, let's see it.
No, you're jon favreau.
Rocky marciano, "deep impact", "swingers".
Here's the thing.
Your script is set in the world
that i'm interested in doing my next project on.
A picture on the life of crazy joe gallo.
Joe gallo?
They already did "the gang that couldn't shoot straight".
Yeah, but i see gallo as this tragic figure.
He was a flawed and blinkered guy,
but he wanted to learn, to grow,
to read, to paint.
He had this yearning, this hunger for--
fuck your mother, what's the word?
You as joey gallo, i don't see that.
I'm part italian.
Vince, maybe, vaughn.
This project happens to be a personal passion of mine.
I could play joey gallo
but i don't want to be an actor unless i can play myself.
Which is totally understandable.
Listen, ever since amy told me about you,
i thought maybe we could work together.
You could tell me the way shit goes down,
what makes sense, what people really say,
you know what i mean?
Joey gallo, i was like three years old when he got whacked.
Yeah, but speech patterns.
You saw "swingers".
Whatever you think of that motherfucker, man,
it's, like, you can tell it's extremely important to me
how people really talk.
Like that "buchiach" thing.
How could i forget that fucking thing?
I mean, i grew up right in queens.
I guess it is a long time ago.
You wouldn't be betraying any oath thing.
Holy fucking shit, that thing is still alive?
If i told you 15 years ago that she was a piece of ass,
would you believe me?
What?
What happened?
Forget it.
C'mon, man, we're just talking.
Wise- guy friend of mine would kill me if he knew i told you.
This made guy, right?
Had the most discriminating eye when it comes to t&a.
He's at a club one night, this broad's all over him.
And she's got a really nice body,
she's horny as hell.
They step outside, they walk over to this picnic ground.
She starts blowing him next to this swing set.
He's about to shoot his load,
he reaches down to start fingering,
undoes the skirt, reaches in,
grabs hold of a goddamn prick.
Jesus christ.
"Crying game."
This is a true story.
So my friend can't let this story get out.
He wants to humiliate the freak as much as he was humiliated.
So he gets this fucking acid, you know, burns everything.
He pours it on her arms, on her face, everywhere,
her prick.
That's one bad motherfucker.
That's how good looking this broad used to look,
had this wise- guy friend of mine totally fooled.
She had to get a glass eye.
Hey, look who's here.
You can't say hello to your uncle?
Hey, uncle pussy.
Look what my little friend did to carmela's car.
What were you thinking?
You got to learn to respect the value of things.
This is your own property.
Here, go get a soda.
The longest fuckin g car ride of my life.
What's the matter?
It's the kid, he used to be happy- go- lucky.
Now he's moody, he questions the universe.
Like father, like son.
Fuck you, i'm serious.
You're his confirmation sponsor.
Do something with him.
Alright, alright.
But 13, 14, they start getting broody.
It's getting so i don't want to be with him.
If you gotta use a belt, go ahead.
He's bombing out in school.
He got a "c", three "ds" and an "f".
Look at this kid.
How you making out in school?
I got a "c", three "ds" and an "f".
Hey.
Where you been?
I was hanging out with jon.
Izzacupo?
Favreau.
You were?
You went to the set?
Yeah.
Why didn't you call?
We were only there for like half an hour,
then him and amy wanted me to give them
kind of like a tour around jersey.
They did?
What?
Vince vaughn didn't come down there.
Elbow up, matt, keep it straight.
Coach is having me pull more.
Fuck him.
My son don't hit sacrifice flies.
You're up next.
Nah, i just want to want watch.
You got to snap out of this, anthony.
C'mon, a. J. , it's fun.
I know, i just don't feel like it.
Sometimes you got to do things you don't want to.
Why?
'Cause your parents say so.
It's part of your tradition.
Baseball's not part of my tradition.
It ain't?
Your dad, in high school,
was almost all- county left field.
I'm not talking about that, i'm talking about your confirmation here.
I don't want to get confirmed.
Why not?
Don't matter why not.
If you're looking for a purpose in life,
doing what's right is your purpose.
That's not what nitch says.
Who?
Nietzsche.
Let me tell you something.
Nietzsche wound up talking to his horse.
And i know what you're gonna tell me.
Sartre, right?
Sartre was a fucking fraud.
He copped it all from husserl and heidegger.
Go on.
You should start at the beginning.
Take a look at kierkegaard.
Whatever.
Kierkegaard said,"every duty is essentially duty to god."
"Nigga be a leader, not a follower."
What?
Master p said that.
You still listen to rap?
Why?
It's just all about marketing now.
Hi, welcome to soho grand.
I'm here to see jon favreau.
One moment, please.
Whom may i say is calling?
Jerry from newark, he's expecting me.
I'm sorry, sir, mr. Favreau requested not to be disturbed.
Tell him his 2:00 pm is waiting.
He has his telephone programmed so as to not be disturbed.
It's 2:00 in the fucking afternoon.
Would you care to leave a message?
Would you you see if amy safir is in?
Hey.
What you doing here?
I was supposed to be meeting jon to discuss my script
but now he's got the "do not disturb" on.
Yeah, shooting ran late, we didn't wrap till 5:30.
C'mon in.
I brought him jersey's best sangweech,
fucking best in the world.
That was very nice.
You want it?
Oh, no thanks, i brushed my teeth.
Here, have a seat.
You want some coffee?
No, i can't stay, i got business to take care of.
If they ever knew i was into this.
What i'm saying is...
this kind of thing is unacceptable where i come from.
Do you know if he read my script yet?
I have your script.
What?
Jon asked me to give it an official read.
Don't take it personally, it's his process.
Billy bob wrote something he wanted to do with jon
and jon had me read it first.
Hello.
Hey, honey, your cousin's here.
Yeah, that's right, the screenwriter.
Okay, i will.
Gregory says, "go fuck yourself".
Union square cafe? Okay.
Alright, i'll see you there, bye.
What did you think about it?
About what?
My script.
I love movies, i started with the dialogue,
but then you gotta find the conflict
and tell the story in picture arcs.
I think it's-- it's got some real heart.
Some good raw emotion in it.
You should probably try and finish it.
Yeah, i hit a fucking wall.
Third act shit.
Vicki king, in "21 days to how to write a movie in",
she says that's not uncommon.
These aren't third act problems, they're in the second act.
Get the fuck out of here.
See, you ended right here in the middle of page 83.
Yeah, this sentence could've gone either way.
See... when frankie says,
"i don't know whether to shit or go blind",
he's at a crossroads, he doesn't know.
That's an expression, right?
Like a joke, "shit or go blind".
Well, no, 'cause later on
his father gets that cancer of the eye.
What do they call that, glaucoma?
Whatever the fuck, runs in the family.
They have to get him a guide dog.
Oh.
But the third act starts at page 90.
I'm not in the third fucking act yet.
You're inciting incident doesn't happen till page 12,
it should be on page three.
I knew that arc shit fucked me up.
I tried making it all these three dimensions like she said.
Here, sit, i'll show you.
Okay.
See, i was thinking...
if you take the scene where rocco
is fucking the two asian strippers.
That's a plot point.
I know, i know.
But my question is, what's at stake?
The jeopardy's unclear.
What jeopardy?
There's a seven part hierarchy of human needs
that explains and clarifies what drives us.
Starting with the basic needs like food
and water.
So you like my script?
It's very good, christopher.
You want me to tell you what all seven are?
Seven what?
The human needs.
Yeah.
Survival.
Yeah.
Safety and security.
Yeah.
The need to understand.
Hi grandma.
Grandma?
Who is it?
You woke me.
It's me, anthony jr.
I didn't know i had a grandson.
I miss you.
Yeah, you should.
You never come see me.
I've been busy.
Everybody's busy.
And don't lie to me.
I know your father forbids your coming down here.
He doesn't, honest.
He just doesn't want us to talk about you in the house.
You can go shit in his hat.
He's mad at me right now.
I shouldn't use that kind of talk.
Don't let me ever catch you talking that way.
Now what did you do bad?
My dad doesn't like my attitude.
So uncle pussy said that i should come talk to you
because you're old and have wisdom and stuff.
His mother's another one.
Well, what'd you do?
I took mom's car out of the garage and it got wrecked.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Was it bad?
Uncle pussy already fixed it.
Did you wear your safety belt?
Yeah.
Because there was an article in the paper the other day
about a bunch of teen- agers
from out near the delaware water gap.
They overcrowded their car, it hit a tree,
and it incinerated.
And they got trapped.
People could hear'em screaming, they couldn't get out.
The safety belts did it, buckled them in.
See, that' s what i mean.
What's the purpose?
Of what?
Being... here on our planet.
Earth.
Those kids are dead meat.
What's the use?
What's the purpose?
Why does everything have to have a purpose?
The world is a jungle.
If you want my advice, anthony,
don't expect happiness, you won't get it,
people let you down.
And i'm not naming any names,
but in the end, you die in your own arms.
You mean alone?
It's all a big nothing.
What what makes you think you're so special?
Guess i won't order us any espresso.
I took an acting class once.
Oh, yeah? How'd that go for you?
But i didn't need it.
Oh, yeah.
I figured out as far as movies go,
i want to be a player, not an actor.
Smart man, like bugsy.
That was another thing that kind of blew about "swingers".
The acting?
You know what's good fucking acting?
Hanks, "private ryan".
"Earn it."
It's kind of unfai r to compare the two.
One's about young soldiers dying on the beach at normandy,
the other one's about young guy's lookin' for blow jobs in vegas.
Well, you made the movie.
So...
listen...
you mind if i ask you something?
You strapped right now?
Strapped, huh?
Yeah.
Fuck.
Jesus fucking christ!
Watch out, man.
Holy fuck.
Can i ask you something else?
That's what i'm here for, jon.
It will not leave this room, i swear to you.
Have you ever-- ?
Have i ever what?
C'mon, you know.
No, what?
I'm not gonna answer unless you ask.
That's cool, man, i'm sorry.
No, c'mon, you can ask me.
No, it's cool.
Oh, c'mon.
C'mon, rocky, c'mon, rocky!
C'mon, ask me.
Did i what, did i what?
Have i ever what?
It's cool, just take it back.
What, this?
I think the safety's on.
Here we go, you're money.
Did i ever what, did i ever what?
What?
That's not cool, man.
I got dialogue tomorrow.
If my voice gets scratchy, it's not cool.
What'd you think of my script?
Well...
you know, like, frankie?
I know frankie, he's my fucking leading man.
He's...
he's kind of like a contradictory character.
In a good way, you know, like complex.
You think he should wear those taps on his shoes?
That's the questio n i was gonna ask you.
They sound cool, they're his trademark.
But in the hit against rocco,
somebody's gonna hear him walking on the roof.
That's a problem.
What i was thinking was,
in this script, in all scripts, really,
it begs to show more of the author in it.
Your life, your vision.
The roof is soft tar!
That'll work.
The roof is soft tar!
Okay.
And the father could, you know,
go blind sooner and then...
then he could smell the tar on frankie's shoes,
then he knows that his son's the killer.
Holy fuck, that's fucking great!
Then frankie's gotta put one in his old man's head!
Blam, then another one, blam!
Fucking brilliant.
I spent all day with my best friend anna
picking out her bridesmaids' dresses.
I still haven't found anything for anthony's confirmation.
With all the flowers coming into bloom,
i would love to be a june bride.
Here's your june groom.
C'mon.
Sorry i'm late.
Babe, i ordered you some pasta fajioli to start.
And we're gonna get a plate of antipast to share.
They got some rare imported salami.
You feel okay, christopher?
I'm fine.
We were just discussing anna's wedding.
What about you guys?
What about who guys?
You should make it a double wedding.
First someone has to propose.
Has anna chosen her caterer yet?
She booked villa de roma.
'Cause if you ask me, caravaggio's is slipping.
I heard they fired their produce guy.
Enough!
I'm so sick and tired of hearing you people
talk about food, food, food!
That's all anybody ever talks about
is proscuitto, cheese, and fucking fava beans.
I'm drowning here.
Take it easy!
We're not even engaged yet!
When you're married
you'll understand the importance of fresh produce.
Fuck the importance!
Oh!
He didn't mean that.
Fuck him.
I tried so hard to be supportive
with his art and getting his screenplay made.
His screenplay?
Any updates on wyczchuk?
I'm working on it, i got my ear to the dirt.
We're wiring you for the confirmation.
You fucking prick.
You think i'm wearing a wire in god's house?
Actually, yes.
We don't care so much about the service
as the party right after at tony's house.
You miserable motherfuck, i'm the kid's sponsor!
Who the fuck i s sponsoring you , motherfucker?
Excuse me, sir, i don't want to have to tell you again
this is a smoke- free environment.
Yo, amy.
Hey, you.
What a nice surprise.
I was in the neighborhood.
Where were you?
I was at the big chloe party.
I sat across from alphonse d'amato.
God, these things are killing me.
I was thinking we could stop down at umberto's.
Excellent, i'll just change real quick.
I like those.
Manolo blahnik.
Let me see.
What, these?
Come here.
You want to see these?
Yeah.
You want to see my shoes?
You can look, but you can't touch.
I can't touch?
So, what'd your father do?
Was he a movie producer?
He's a neurosurgeon at cedars- sinai.
What is this, question and answer hour?
I want to know about you.
I'm not usually an open person.
How come your old man didn't pressure you
to become a doctor like him?
I was premed at yale my freshman year.
Fuckin' yale, i swear to god,
you jews have your own cosa nostra
hidden in that ivy fucking league.
That's very funny.
Very imagistic.
Thank you.
So...
that blond guy in the club the other night,
what'd you say to him?
That's for me to know.
You make him an offer he couldn't refuse?
What'd you say?
Nothing.
C'mon!
I told him, "be a good boy
and i'll let this girl blow you afterwards."
You ever been with a member of the tribe before?
Yeah.
Really?
What do you think, i discriminate?
I'm p. C.
No, you haven't.
So why you gotta ask if you think you know it all?
When?
I don't fucking tell.
When?
Two nights ago.
You ever shag another skinny- ginny?
Oh, fuck, fuck me! My cousin.
How are we gonna tell him?
Amy, don't do this now.
We'll figure something out, c'mon.
I'm not a terrible person.
Amy, get back here.
Shit.
Amy...
amy, listen.
"Long shot, a nightclub.
"Not just any nightclub.
Cut to closeup on letter "c", then an "o", then a "p"."
You're not supposed to be reading that.
It's a limited distribution, numbered draft.
"Pull back to reveal this is the copacabana.
"Inside it's all fun and games
as mobsters wine and dine their beautiful goomahs."
Jesus, you can see it.
You can see the movie from the words.
This is the way you write a fucking script.
Fucking shit!
Hey!
Hey, come out of there!
He used it.
What, just'cause he gave me that tar- smell idea?
I could've come up with that.
What?
The friend of mine, stone wiseguy,
jon used his whole fucking story.
The she- male and acid, it's all here.
This is joey cippolina's fucking story!
There's no character named cippolini.
Forget it, he can't put that in there!
It's not the same at all.
What the fuck you talking about?
You said your wiseguy friend was at a swing set.
This guy gets his dick sucked at the statue of liberty.
Don't you understand where i come from?
I explained it how many times?
Where are you going?
We can't take it out now.
We faxed it to oliver, who's agreed to be attached.
It's his favorite thing.
Don't, don't, don't, he's sleeping.
How mad could your friend get?
12- 04 checked out.
Where is he?
This is so absurd of you to get so bent out of shape.
Can i see your production pass?
I've been on the set before.
I still need to see your pass.
I know jon.
Look, sir, this is a closed set.
No visitors, no press, no friends of jon.
Hey!
Hey, buchiachia!
Hi.
Where's jon?
He left this morning for l. A.
That fucking cocksucking mezzofinook!
What does that mean?
You got more stuff like that i could use?
The confirmation starts in an hour.
Would you let me in, already? I need to put my face on.
You've been in there all week.
I'm shaving!
I don't want you coming in here while i'm in here!
The only goddamn mirror with any good light is in there!
Here's your fucking mirror.
Jesus!
Don't open that fucking door!
Shit.
Fuck!
You fucking bitch!
I'll kill you, i'll kill you!
Dad!
Jesus christ, what the fuck's with you?
What are you, bleeding?
Mr. Decamillo will be with you shortly.
May i get you a water?
No, thank you.
Wow, robert rodriguez has signed on
to do a remake of "viva, zapata" with harvey and bob.
What is this shit?
You don't return my fucking messages?
Christopher, this is so not cool.
You listen to me, you stupid bitch!
You cannot use that story.
Okay, alright.
This is neither the time nor the place.
You want to see me clipped?
Have you touched base with jon?
What the fuck?
I call, i spoke to his jerk- off assistants,
she said i should take it up with you.
I'm sorry i don't even know who that would be,
that assistant.
Sir, are you here to see david decamillo?
Get the fuck out of here!
Look, i'm flying into l. A. This afternoon,
we'll touch base.
You were just gonna leave?
What are you talking about?
My script.
Christopher, based on "mickey blue eyes" first- weekend foreign,
there's a wait- and- see attitude toward mafi- related projects.
So we're gonna have to pass.
Did jon say that? Are those his words?
I speak for jon, and if you'd let me finish,
we want to assure you that we'll certainly
take a look at anything else you write.
You're good.
Christopher--
fuckin' walnuts don't lie as good as you.
Amy.
David's ready to see you.
Right this way.
Chris, it was wrong with us and...
and greg and all that.
I really liked you.
This is getting kind of "william inge" here, isn't it?
I gotta go.
Fucking d- girl!
Excuse me?
Excuse me, i'm a vice president!
You fucking asshole!
Tony!
Hey!
There they are.
Ton', congratulations.
Thanks, thanks.
Kid did real good up at the alter, didn't he?
Sabenedic'.
Were you proud of him?
Oh, yeah.
Where's carm?
In the kitchen.
Ange.
Some place you got here, ton'.
Hey, richie, have a drink.
Fucking resort s international.
Hey, little brother.
The bars down the hall, richie.
Over there.
Oh, and we count the silverware.
Hi, i'm janice soprano.
Janice now?
I don't know.
I heard we won't be bothered anymore from our neighbor wyczchuk.
No neighbor of mine.
What'd you hear on that?
Tony, we're out of ice in here.
Alright.
Oh, shit.
You two, get out of here.
Tony, we also need more cokes--
what is that smell?
What kind of animal
smokes marijuana at his own confirmation?
I don't know.
Enough with th e "i don't knows".
What are you yelling at me for?
Even grandma says the world has no purpose.
Get inside right now and join your guests.
Be a good catholic for 15 fucking minutes!
Is that so much to ask?
What happened, what's the matter?
You don't want to know.
Fucking kid's down in the garage getting high.
Alright, let me talk to him.
Anthony?
Would you go away?
No, i'm your sponsor.
We need to talk, you need to listen.
You know, you see your parents
as these great big dictators, these disciplinarians.
But i know your dad from the time he was younger than you.
What difference does it make?
Listen to me, alright? You listening?
Yeah.
I know him.
I was 16 years old, and my kid sister nucci,
she had the spinal meningitis,
and she got a to a point where she couldn't breathe.
She was real sick?
Yeah.
And she was in the hospital.
And your father, he was the only one,
he came with me every day.
He sat by her bed, he looked at her drawings.
He watched her for me when i had to use the john
or get something to eat.
I was down there waiting in line for a hamburger
when she passed away.
She died?
Yeah.
You know what pisses me off about my dad?
He did all these great things, then,
before he was my dad.
Now he's just an asshole.
Hey, hey, hey, listen to me.
Your father would catch a bullet for you.
Don't you ever forget that.
He's a stand- up guy.
I don't know.
Not to me he's not.
Well, i do know.
And i know what kind of man he is.
Don't ever forget it.
Uncle pussy, what's the matter?
Nothing.
Now go down and enjoy your party.
Make your parents happy.
You got your health, your family.
Enjoy it while you can,
while you got it all in your hand.
Come here.
Give uncle pussy a hug.
And get out of here.
Hey.
Hey, he's down there.
Where the fuck you been?
This is for a. J.
I got one son and you miss his confirmation ceremony?
I figured with all my sins
i don't want the church caving in on everyone.
Hey!
On the fucking rag again.
No, i'm on the rag.
She's just wondering who the fuck you are.
No lectures, alright? I'm not in the mood.
I agree.
I'm gonna go back in there and be with my guests.
Exactly ten minutes, i'm gonna look up,
if you're not here i'm gonna assume
that you went to look for whatever the fuck it is
that's calling you out there.
And that i will never see you again.
If you are still here, then i'm gonna assume
that you have no other desire in the world than to be with me.
And your actions will show me that every second of every fucking day.
You understand me?
Don't answer me.
Take the ten minutes, you think about it.
Hey you, come here.
C'mon, let's take the picture.
C'mon, let's get the picture.
A. J. , c'mon.
Wait, where's pussy?
Where's the godfather?
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a division of time warner entertainment company, L. P.